How I Enjoyed My First Heartbreak

When I tell people that i enjoyed my first heartbreak, they would either look at me like a weird creature or laugh and shake their heads.

 Let me tell you why I  enjoyed and even anticipated my first heartbreak.

From childhood to my teenage years, I had so many crushes, so much so that every girl in my dormitory knew about the huge crush I had on Cristiano Ronaldo. It was very easy for me to have crushes on celebrities and sometimes on classmates or any cute guy I saw.

The problem is, I could not stand having an actual relationship with a real person. It was like guys in real life just irritated the heck out of me. I could not stand them.

The times I managed to actually be in a relationship, I would end up intensely disliking the guy after two weeks. Two weeks was my hallmark. It was like after two weeks, the things I liked about them would start to irritate me so I would start looking for ways to break-up.

After a while, I decided that relationships were not for me and somehow, I felt weird, like something was wrong with me somehow. I mean, I see my friends with their boyfriends for months, even years, I watch romantic movies and I wanted same but in real life, it just pissed me off.

Miracle of miracles, after a break-up some years later, I found myself crying, over a man.

I didn't realise it at first until it dawned on me that if I was crying, it meant I felt something, maybe even love.

With this realization came the decision to enjoy this heartbreak as much as I could. I was not sure if I would ever feel that way again, considering my robotic emotional spasms so I was determined to milk it.

How?

I downloaded all the sappy songs I love, the 70's and 80's blues including Toni Braxton, Brandy, Dru Hill, Donnell Jones, Phil Colins, etc.

Then I would sit, listen to the songs and cry over past memories.

Gosh, it felt so good, being a normal girl that cries over a man.

I would take lone walks in the evenings while listening to these songs and feel like a girl in a romantic movie.

I felt happy that I loved or cared about someone enough to cry over them.

Heart break taught me a lesson.

I used to treat people callously, thinking that if they left, I would be fine.

Now, I value relationships and friendships and work hard to ensure they last long and that I am not responsible for its end.