Being single is good
and fine but there are some days in the year, when being single can become a
sharp stone inside your shoe.
1.
New Year
New Year is like a
build-up. As the previous year ends, you start to feel this panic in strange
ways and it just keeps building up over time and then, BAAM, on the 1st day
of the new year, it slams you right in the face and suddenly, you
that was strong, you that was cool, it’s the same you that will curl up like a
baby and begin to cry your heart out. Why? The year is gone. Nothing happened,
no relationship. Still single! The previous year flashes before your eyes and
woe betide you if no one asked you out or no girl said yes to you. That one is
even bitterer. You start to wonder how the months flew and your nets didn’t
catch even one fish.
2.
Valentine’s Day
This is one holiday
that feels like it was invented purely as a way to torture single people.
First, you wake up to squeals as people receive early morning surprise gifts
and packages. You try to ignore it all day while at school or work but in the
evening, it’s become too obvious to ignore. First, it’s red and white colours
everywhere. All the girls are getting dolled-up while the guys are bringing
their A game. No one is getting dolled-up or bringing their A game for you. You
begin to wonder if you are normal or if your village people are chasing you.
The worst thing you
can do for yourself that day is to remember: I repeat, do not remember. Don’t
spend your time remembering that perfect relationship/partner that held a
special place in your heart, don’t remember the good memories you have of your
past relationships. If you remember those things, you will start thinking of
what could have being which is a dirge on its own: What could have being if you
had held on longer, what could have been if only you had been patient or
loving. What could have been does not end.
3. Birthdays
This one hits you
right in the chest like a giant wrecking ball. It’s that one special day in a
year, that day that you are most vulnerable, that day that is supposed to be
all about you, that day that the people that love you should celebrate you.
When we say people that love you, we don't mean family. No, we mean that one
special person that is sorely lacking in your life.
After
work/school/whatever you do, you are not supposed to go home alone to be by
yourself. Even if you so hang out with friends, its still there,
that space, that empty chair, that faceless person who should have said all the
sweet nothings and made you feel even more special.
4. Christmas
Ah, this is worse
when you don’t travel but spend your Christmas in the city. Why?
In the village, you
are constantly surrounded by relatives whom are super excited to see you. There
are so many uncles and aunts to visit, cousins to hang out with, football
matches to watch. You are so busy having fun you don't even feel as time
passes. But in the city, everybody has seen you all year and nope, they have
made plans with their significant others. You can tag along but you will just
be the third wheel because they will be busy whispering sweet nothings into
each other’s ears. Ouch.
So please find a way
and travel oh. Or else....
5. Weddings
Oh my word, you will
sit there and watch your dream play out, only with different faces. It’s not
that you are not happy to for the couple oh, no, it’s that it’s one thing you
want. So why don’t you have it yet? Why is it so hard for you, yet so easy for
others? When will you find the one?
These questions will
just be ricocheting in your head and then someone will tell you to come and
stand in line for the bouquet toss. My brother shift, you know how many
bouquets them don catch before?
Then you will be
thinking of the wedding night you have planned out in your head, the little
wife/husband moments you can’t wait to experience.
Bro/sister, do not, I
repeat, do not go to a wedding if you know you are going to drag rice. Because
as you are dragging the rice, that’s how those old women from the village will
tell you to go and marry and stop dragging free food in public events.
6. Broke Days
Ladies, do you feel
me?
You know what I mean.
The bobo is supposed to be there to help out when help is needed and yet, there
you are, beautiful, alone and broke.
Brothers, do you know
what I mean?
Those times when you
need a good woman to remind you that this is temporary, you are still a man and
you will make it. Alas, it’s the crickets in your compound and your empty pots
that will greet you and tell you ‘welcome daddy.’
All in all,
Being single can feel
like a sentence, like constantly having rick Ross in your head
saying 'Another One'
But you need to be
strong. You don't need to make hasty and rash decisions especially when you're
feeling vulnerable. The truth remains that you are a complete person whether
you are single, in a relationship, married, or it’s complicated. Stop beating
yourself up, stop going back to your vomit, stop letting bullshit people into
your life just so you will have somebody.
Biko, in this time,
find peace of mind. Be at peace with yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company.
You will not die if you take yourself out on a date. Treat
yourself to your favourite, expensive meal. Go see that latest
blockbuster alone. Read books and expand your mind. If you don't love yourself,
if you don't love your company, don’t expect someone else to love being with
you.
One final thing,
please stop comparing yourself. Stop counting age and wondering! You will only
become anxious and end up making mistakes. Learn to love you. Enjoy this single
period. Live life to the full.
The partner will come
along with so many responsibilities. Now is the time to make selfish decisions.
After all, you have no one else to consider, no fees to pay or pampers to buy,
no baby to drag along with you everywhere you go, nothing. You are free as a
bird. Biko celebrate that first and enjoy it now because one day, you will look
for it and it will be gone, forever.
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