As a child, there are always those moments when we gain
insights into who we are. When we begin to really understand ourselves, what
makes us tick, how much level of rubbish we can take before we fight back, how
much we can love, endure, empathise and so on and so forth.
Such that by the time we are in our teens, we have gained
insight into who we are.
I had one of such moments when i was in primary school.
I had just moved to Calabar with my aunt and she took me to
her church and left me in the children's department.
I sat down, pretty as you please and paid rapt attention to
my teacher and my environment. I can still remember her message on Elijah the
Tishbite, I can remember the children around me, the girl who sat next to me,
the algae on the wall behind my teacher, everything. I didn't know it at the
time but I was observing and assimilating.
I paid rapt attention to everything and everyone around me
without uttering a word.
Gradually, I began to get comfortable and make friends.
And gradually, I became the chief disturber of the Children
Department, so much so that my friends nicknamed me a quiet pretender.
They accused me of pretending to be a quiet, calm and shy
person when I first came, they didn't realise I was the area disturber, the one
who would loose her hair in school to play 'mad woman' the one who could not
sit still, who would rather go from person to person, talking and laughing
loudly without any coordination or care in the world. I played hard.
At that age, I began to understand several things about
myself;
When i am thrust upon a new environment, I would sit tight
and observe. I am not open.
As I get comfortable, I would become the class clown.
However, this is still not ultimately me, because you know, nurture and nature,
environment and situations shapes us.
When I repeated a class in secondary school, I became
depressed and spent a few years friendless and alone.
I learnt that I have a hiding place inside of me.
I must not let things bother me too much.
I take things way too seriously.
Now, in university, I became determined to make up for all
the friendships I lost in secondary school.
I joined a clique of girlfriends and we had fun for a while.
As usual, gossips and all what not crept up and I realised, I would rather have
no friends than friends who aren't really friends.
So I went friendless for a while. It wasn't easy but along
the way, I began to make real friends with real people with none of the
fakeness involved.
So yeah, I have deep parts and nature and nurture have all
contributed to it.
The most important thing is to know thyself.
Nobody can define you the way you can. Books may tell you
that you are choleric or Type B personality but never forget, human nature can
never be predicted so as much as these personality tests may seem close to you,
it is still not all of you.
I have seen the quiet ones become loud and boisterous, the
stingy ones become generous, the great ones become small, the humble ones
become proud and vice versa.
Human nature is deep and if we spend years studying it, we
still cannot fully understand or classify it.
So if they have told you that you are bad, stingy, foul
mouthed, a gossip, a flirt, high handed, wicked, arrogant, timid, etc, know
that it does not define you.
It may be true for now but it is always subject to change as
long as you refuse to accept it.
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